DOROTHY: (To Toto) Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore. (Beat.) And that’s probably just as well. There were ZERO cute guys there! (Now notices where Toto is and that he is peeing on the striped stockings) Ooh, Toto, that’s not very respectful. I know it’s been a long journey, boy, but she won’t be happy when she wakes up. (Peers off into the distance in opposite direction) I wonder who THAT is…
Glinda twirls in like a ballerina.
GLINDA: I’m Glinda, Good Witch of the North.
DOROTHY: I’m Dorothy, poor farmer’s daughter of the mid-West.
GLINDA: Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
DOROTHY: I’m not a witch at all or the crops would grow faster. I thought witches were ugly.
GLINDA: Only bad witches are ugly.
DOROTHY: We got hit with a lot of dust and Auntie Em won’t let me wear makeup but I don’t think I look that bad. Of course, I always put on a few pounds during harvest season but I take it right off.
GLINDA: No, my dear, you’re not ugly at all!
DOROTHY: Then why did you ask me if I’m a good witch or a bad one when only bad ones are ugly?
GLINDA: I’m afraid your logic is flawed. “Only bad ones are ugly,” is simply the same as saying “If you’re ugly, then you’re a bad witch.”
DOROTHY: OK — we did this in logic class — I wanted to avoid the higher-level math. “Ugly” implies “Bad witch.” And so the counter positive is true — “Good witch” implies “Not ugly.”
GLINDA: Now you’re getting it.
DOROTHY: So if I’m NOT ugly, you’re left hanging.
GLINDA: Exactly — You could be a PRETTY bad witch.
DOROTHY: Hey, I’m not incompetent! I’m just not a witch at all.
GLINDA: I meant that you could be pretty AND an evil witch.
DOROTHY: So you DO think I’m pretty? In Kansas, I left my windows open all the time, but Hunk and Hickory never peeked in.