DAVID: (To attendant only) I cannot allow her to get stoned, which is sure to happen if Uriah gets wind that the baby she is carrying is…
ATTENDANT: Not kosher.
DAVID: Yeah, not his. Showtime ….

David and attendant enter throne room. David sits on throne. Attendant stands at his side.

ATTENDANT: All hail King David, who has slain tens of thousands of Philistines.
SOLDIERS: All hail!
NATHAN: As an instrument of God’s will.
ATTENDANT: I was getting to that — (Less enthusiastically) as an instrument of God’s will.
SOLDIERS: (Even less enthusiastically) Yeah, yeah, yeah — instrument of God’s will.
ATTENDANT: However, we’re not at war with the Philistines anymore…
DAVID: I think they all know that now. (To soldiers, primarily) Right? Everyone knows to lay off the Philistines….right? Let’s not cast the first stone.
SOLDIERS: (Unenthusiastically) Yes, King David.
ATTENDANT: We’re at war with the Ammonites so give a BIG welcome to today’s hero, Uriah, the …
MEPHIBOSHETH: (Interrupting) There’s no Israelite named Uriah!
ATTENDANT: If you’d let me finish … Uriah, the Hittite.
MEPHIBOSHETH: But aren’t we also fighting them? (Looks at Nathan, who shakes his head “no”)
ATTENDANT: Look, Mephibosheth, if you’d get out a little more, you’d know these things. All you do is sit at the king’s table. Uriah is on our side…
NATHAN: He’s on the side of God.
ATTENDANT: You never let that go, Nathan.