SARAH:  Laughter! You hear it? I love that sound.

(Sees wedding couple.)

Alright, alright, if you two would stop nuzzling each other long enough, I got something to say.  Good.  Start your wedding with laughter – it’s a good idea.  Let’s give ‘em a hand folks.  They made it this far, and that’s something.  Hey smile honey, and don’t be afraid of laughing.  Best time to start is right now, and it’s better for you than those blintzes you just finished.

Uh oh, you got a little down there, dearie.  Blue drip.   Here let me help.

(She goes to table, wets a napkin from a glass of water and scrubs the wedding dress, or she can say the following:  “You, that’s right, you, Mr. Groom.  Wet your napkin and help the little lady.  Oh, easy, don’t get fresh now.”)

You know we don’t have a single form for the word ‘blintzes’—that’s because nobody can eat just one.  But as for husbands, well, that’s different. We’re expected to spend our life with just one — that hairy creature who snores and steals the sheet,  and. . . that’s right, you’re lookin’ at him sweetheart.  So what do you do?  What can you do?  You laugh.

(Encourages audience to laugh. To Groom.)

Hey, this means you fella. No man is happier than his wife. So, keep her laughing.

(Going back to stage.)

O.K. so maybe you’re wondering why I’m talking like this? You know, whiny mixed with a pinch of nasal?   It’s the Jewish Princess in me wanting to get out—weddings do that to me.  Jewish Princess?– you know, that means you squeak when you walk and never get what you want when you want it, but never stop trying, and you dream about eating bagels, lox and gefilte fish in that order, without getting sticky fingers.  And, you just gotta use words like schnook, schmo, and schmuck.

I got your number, fella.  The program says the show is going to be about me, Abraham’s Sarah, and you’re wondering, ‘lady, why are you talking like that?–, Yiddish hadn’t even been invented yet’.