SETTING: This three-character play is set in current times. The action occurs in a Christian Middle School inside a biology/animal science class of 7th graders. A simple set with three chairs and a desk for the teacher are needed.

TIME: Present times.

CHARACTERS:
MISS JOHNSON – a young woman, a teacher in her first year
DAVY – a young male student around 12
BETH – a young female student around 12

Lights rise on a classroom in a private Christian middle-school. MISS JOHNSON is waiting for her next class with a sign-up sheet and graded papers. BETH and DAVY enter. Davy heads for his seat until Miss Johnson speaks.

MISS JOHNSON
Good morning everyone, before you sit – sign up for your oral reports. I also need someone to hand out last week’s test papers.

(BETH signs up, then rushes to MISS JOHNSON)

BETH
I will, Miss Johnson.

(MISS JOHNSON takes BETH aside, DAVY signs up, then sits)

MISS JOHNSON
It seems you’re doing a lot for me, Beth. I appreciate your eagerness to help, but, maybe you should give others a chance.

BETH
Okay, if that’s the way you want it. I was only trying to be helpful.
(starts to her seat then turns)
You know, I want to be a teacher too, one day. I thought helping you would be a good experience, but if you don’t – –

MISS JOHNSON
(handing Beth the papers) All right Beth. Now hurry, we have to begin the reports on seabirds as soon as you’re finished.

(BETH hands out papers while Miss Johnson continues)

MISS JOHNSON
(to the class) When you get your test, look it over. If you have any questions see me after class. I was very pleased how well you all did. I was thinking maybe I need to make my tests harder in the future.

BETH
Oh no, it’s not us. You’re just such a good teacher – especially for a new one.

MISS JOHNSON
Thank you, Beth, now please hurry.
(retrieving the sign up sheet)
I hope you all complied with the assignment and included information on your bird’s appearance, habitat, and behaviors. We know God’s creation is full of wonderful creatures and we need to learn to appreciate the qualities they have – the ones which in their own way glorify God’s plan. Let’s see who signed up to go first; (reads from the sheet) – it’s Beth.

(BETH comes to the front of the class)

BETH
The Seabird I Most Admire by Beth Wright. I most admire the Laysan Albatross – a large seabird with a seven foot wing span. It is white and grey and looks pretty much like a big seagull. They live in coastal areas in the North Pacific Ocean. The Laysan is a silent and solitary bird except when nesting. In November they return to their nesting grounds which are mostly in Hawaii. They typically mate with the same bird for life. Biologists have stated that the Laysan have one of the lowest divorce rates among all birds.

(laughter from the class)

I didn’t make that up. In the book, Christian Biology, the biologists did say “divorce rate”.

(laughter from the class)

MISS JOHNSON
All right class, continue Beth.

BETH
On a visit to Hawaii, Laura Bush found out about the Laysan, and, she praised them for their lifelong commitments to each other. As Conservative Christians, we can consider the Laysan an icon of monogamy: one male and one female – a couple for life. That’s why I admire the Laysan Albatross. Thank you.

MISS JOHNSON
Good information, Beth, now we can all admire these birds for their high morals and monogamous behaviors. (referring to her list) Let’s see who is next.

(BETH sits, DAVY approaches the front)

DAVY
Ah, Mrs. Johnson, could I go?

MISS JOHNSON
Davy, it’s not like you to cut in front of others.

DAVY
Well, I think it would be good for me to go next. My report is on the Laysan too, and – –

MISS JOHNSON
Davy, I told the class I didn’t want any duplicate reports. I want something different from each of you.

DAVY
Believe me, mine’s different.

MISS JOHNSON
If it’s only going to be a slight variation of Beth’s, I don’t – –

DAVY
It’s not a slight variation.

MISS JOHNSON
I should just make you do another report on another seabird.

DAVY
But my report is different from Beth’s; much different.

MISS JOHNSON
How different could it be?

DAVY
Well, at least a third of the Laysan couples are Lesbians; Beth didn’t report that.

BETH
(shouting from her seat) Oh, gross, the Laysan are not Lesbians! I didn’t read anything about that, Miss Johnson; how could he say – –

(laughter erupts)